Ugh it's been forever since I posted and really this is shit hahaha,
but I've been feeling so weird these days. I'm really really worried about homework. :O
I only have 4 more days to do everything and I'm so far behind. (Fuck it)
I haven't started on english newspaper articles goddamnit. :O

my dreams are so weird. I dreamt lao shi wasn't our chinese teacher next year. ohmyfgod so sad!!!! I totally felt like I was gonna cry :(

Does anyone know whether zoey has disappeared from this world or something? 'cause that would make alot of sense. :D
haha, since I haven't heard from her for like 2 weeks now. and I had this dream she migrated to shanghai. ohwow great now I think that there is a possibility that she did without getting the chance to tell me haha.

I hope my dreams don't come true

Went out with Denise, but no photos :O HAHA, we were totally enjoying life. had soup at the soup spoon while chatting about the christmas party. then ended up walking around (really long walk please)
Saw this really really really hot guy. and Denise said the guy was looking at us too HAHAHAHHA :D hot~~~ then we decided that we needed another tea break. so we went to bakerzin and ate cake :D ended up spending like $10 another HAHAHA. Then we were like walking around, hoping to see the really hot guy. goodness. we're ridiculous haha :D


Have I mentioned I finally pierced my ears? No. well, I FINALLY PIERCED MY EARS. :D



It's been forever, since the day.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
the whole thing is just fucking insane.

I've given up. really.
HAHA totally not doing anything now
I'm not too worried for physics
its history i've given up on HAHAHA AWESOME :D

Someone should tell me to start studying Woops.

I'm having mood swings fuck.
 

Who said that it's better to have loved and lost,
I wish that I had never loved at all

Freaking four more papers to go.
Let's prepare to fail.


Because I'm stupid 
Because I don't think
Because I've done this before

Well, I don't know why i'm posting again.
Its probably because of how shit I'm feeling right now hahaha~

isn't that weird? I'm feeling like shit now.
hmm, maybe its the exams. but really. ugh,
I think I'm just going a little crazy myself.
my imagination's running wild as well.

Maybe I'm just insane. always have been, always will?



Don't tell me I fell in love on my own 
~
Doesn't that sound pretty? hmm I think so. hahaha.

okay, back to SS now :/

I haven't posted in forever but I decided I wanted to post now 'cause I'm so irritated, with the lack of sleep.

Okay, I haven't slept well in 3 nights.
Because of the sadistic nightmares I've been having and I can't sleep after I wake. Insomnia?

its really retarded. and its the same dream every night, more of like a  continuation of the previous night which to me just really sucks. what, am I creating a story?! different chapters?!

ughughugh, people ALWAYS die in my dreams. but they're all trying to help me get away from these two 'bad guys'. One looks like Einstein and the other is a robot (don't ask me why)
so einstein and robot try and get this red cube from me and I keep running away and then people who are trying to help me all die.
Take last night for example, Suet Liz Aricia and Janice all died in a bomb. My sister and my mum died by the weird lazer rays. And zoey got her head chopped off. 
So yes,, my dreams are evil and sadistic.
I'm so sick of them. 
They make me cry 'cause everyone dies! :/

Because of them, I ONLY SLEPT TWO HOURS LAST NIGHT AND CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO STOP DREAMING 'CAUSE MY DREAMS ARE KILLING ME. :/

 No right now I'm just fucking pissed off. 
yes. angry.
:@

but today was awesome. yes it was.

No it wasn't.

:@

FUCK. 
:@:@:@:@:@:@
can everyone I hate just die right now. i don't want to fucking see your faces ever again in front of my face. damned people. I can just rip your throats out and feel awesome about it right now.

:@:@:@
I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I can just totally kill people now.

:@

PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY EVEN READ THIS, GO LISTEN TO RICHMAN BY 3OH!3 BECAUSE ITS THE BEST SONG EVER~ 

 Life's been a mess.
But last night and today are great :)
hahahaha(:

Although I've got a horrible headache. ugh.

( Weird feelings under cut. )</div>

 
 

 Just so that I can say the opposite of what I did at the start of my last post, 
I Am Sad.

And of course I don't blame Suet for talking to me. 
Suet's right anyway,
I have to face what I am going through
What's the point of hiding from it again right?

And I think it was downright funny when we both started crying before she said anything
Because she knew what she was gonna say and I knew what she was gonna say :/

SIGH :/

but suet's right,
she is. 
She makes sense.

:/

 :D:D:D I am Happy(: HAHAHA
okay, that was retarded. 
And I haven't blogged in ages. but the truth of the matter is, I am freaking the happiest I've been in this whole year since yesterday and I really mean it. 
its enjoyable (:

I hope it lasts. And I AM going to finish all my homework even if it Does take forever ~ 
SO YEAH.

:D:D How can anyone be so happy anyway?
HAHAHAHAHAHA(:

Life's just, good. yeah, that's the best word to say it. Good. (:
Not to mention I've done better in all my common tests (all of which I thought I would fail) but yes I've done better than i expected (: Which isn't really much compared to the results of RESHMA -.- But yes, its better than I thought I would do. :)

iloveyou and all the amazing things that come with you~ HAHAHA(:

Take me up,
bring me down


Maybe life's just perfect some days and horrid on others

Amath sucks to the max, but c'mon,
Biology and history weren't That bad.
I think :/
So Now, 

CHEM AND EMATH LEFT. :/

ily
Life's just perfect like that. :)

face it Harriet.
Just fucking face it already. (I can't)
Stop hiding, (But I'm scared)
stop running. (but I just want to go)
stop it with the shit about looking so dead. (yet I feel so dead inside)
stop this crap about dying.


I'm so sick of this.

But, I promise, from tomorrow onwards,
I WILL BE NORMAL.
no wait let's start now.
No one can be so fucking damn sad for so fucking damn long. (no wait, I can)

take a mask and put it on.
you have to stop this.


(I'm talking to myself aren't I? :/)

BY THE WAY.
THANK YOU YIK LAM FOR THE HELP IN AMATH, (L)

I have no more food (Again) awesome. aishhh.

I could rant a whole lot more.
but I've come to realise my life isn't as bad as it is.
OH who the hell am I kidding.
It is as bad as it is :/
sucks to be me.

And the one person I was counting on the whole time during the weekends came to me this morning with a letter. Which really hurt.

fuck.


I am going to study sucks. :/

/edit
Don't speak,
I can't believe
this is here happening,
Our situation isn't right
Get real who your playing with,
I never thought he'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side
When you say that you want me,
I just don't believe it
Your always ready to give up
and never turn around

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I love you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away
without a fight

So sick of worrying, that ya
gonna quit over anything
I could trip and you would let go like that
And everything that we ever were
Seems to fade but not the hurt
Cause you don't know the good things from the bad
When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I love you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away
without a fight

Every time I speak you try and stop me
Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say your noticing but you never see
this is who I really am that you can't leave
Makes me wanna know right now
If it's me you'll leave without
Or would you change your mind

But what if I need you

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I love you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a...

Baby what if I need you
Yeah, yeah
What if I need you, what if I you
Ooh, ooh, if I need you
What if I need you
Need you, you, you


it really hurts. :/

 So, Common tests are tomorrow. And I'm gonna fail Amath and Geog (no seriously) not lying anymore. I've been trying to do Amath and Geog for so Freaking damned long and I still can't get it right. amath is so screwed.

:/
I'm a total mess, after Pearlyn's help with that call yesterday I think I can just kill myself right now. I feel so fucking goddamned alone and I know I'm not supposed to be cursing so much, but that's what I'm gonna do and no one can fucking stop me. 

I am so fucking depressed. 

( Perhaps? )

 

Perhaps life can only be perfect for a day,
and then it'll all fade away/




/edit
I've read the Twilight and Harry potter series the Whole day.
And I realised I always thought New Moon was boring, but its just because I never really understood it, Bella's feelings. But then today, I realised, no wait, I learnt that I knew what Bella had gone through. And all I can say is lucky for Bella, Edward stays forever. :/

i still haven't studied at all. 
and I'm still reading.
fuck. 

someone kill me please.

I hate crying :/

Its been falling into place, my life that is. There's many things I wish I could undo, many things I wish I would have said at that perfect time in that perfect place which I missed. I've been taking my life, messing it up. it's always been me. if I just stayed good and be how I am right now. things can only get better, not worse. Only if I could stay like this. But things change, and I change. Its not so easy to stay as I am rght now. I Will change. its just a matter of how long. :/
I wish I could stay like this forever.

someone pull me from this grave in which I lay
Hold me still,
Kepp me from falling


I know I'm not perfect,
I can only try to be.

And if its quite alright, I need you baby,

Firstly, Liz, I'm sure we're equally screwed for common tests :D because since I have slept More than you this term , it proves I know less (And you got full marks for both your math tests yay) :D

And now, I DIDNT' GO TO SCHOOL YESTERDAY~ I'm so pleased. HAHAHA :D

alright.. Now if someone would just tell me everything that happened. :/

Oh and Zoey and her brother got kicked out of the house last night HAHAHAHAHA~ I find that quite scary. :/

(what a stupid post this is)
But its time to go study (and play guitar hero) HAHA, biya~

you coudn't be that far ;)


AMATH TEST IS SCREWED. :( ah well, tomorrow there's chem and chinese oral. Drank some iced coffee (that my mum bought) 'cause she knew I had all this shitty stuff that I'm not good at tomorrow. So she's expecting me to study late. Ah, I won't disappoint her, I am gonna stay up late~ :(
I think I'll call suet later and ask her about chem. :/

I think i'm screwed for common tests~
and I think I'm the only one:(

die.

( A LONELY SEPTEMBER )

Weird weird weird. I have a headache and I am gonna go sleep till 10 and come back later~~ thanks.

HAPPY RACIAL HARMONY DAY EVERYBODY.  :D:D::D
aishhhh. :D sari is veryyyyy warm :P
And I'm super sleepy. HAHAHAHAHAH. :D

I AM SO FREAKING JEALOUS OF JADE OLIVIA. :( She has Tom Felton for her boyfriend. Lucky girl.




SIGH

I think I know why I like watching Harry potter. hahhaa, Tom Felton is so damn cutee. hahaha, (L)


OKAY. GEOGRAPHY TEST TOMORROW AND STUDYING WITH SUET AND TESSA AFTER SCHOOL. who wants to join us? YOU CAN! HAHA, Just bring your notes for everything and awesomely you can join us :D :D

Today, was alright. It had its ups and downs. And maybe more ups than downs. :D hahha
I especially liked the last few seconds of the time I was in school. (Before I ran out the gate) ;)
HAHA,

Now I've got this other idea of the word BALANCE. I mean, balance doesn't mean you do halfhalf everything. I mean, we're nothing now. we're just messed up. in the middle. But BALANCE doesn't mean that. We can still be the same, right? Just with less time spent. I mean, I would be happy to let you go whereever you want in the mornings and see whoever you want and do whatever you want during whenever you want. but when we Are together. Can't it be that we're REALLY together? I mean, yeahh...do you get what I mean? If you don't ASK me and I'll explain it more HAHA. that idea, this idea. Now this is called a balance. What's going on now really doesn't help anyone (esp both of us) and wouldn't it make us happier? I guess maybe I'm just really bothering you HAHAA. :( not a very good thought. :/ sigh.

ah well, now to finish english weekend homework and to study for physics. SIGH.

Crying yourself to sleep knowing that your life is one big freaking goddamned mess doesn't make your sleep any better. Sleep just numbs the pain, a while. And when you wake up, all you really want to do is go back to sleep so that you don't ever need to face that pain again. but there it is, waiting to pounce on you the moment your conscious self is awake.
And there it is, right now.
it freaking hurts to feel this shit. but i guess, that's what shits all about huh.

I'm not getting my wallet, or my pens or anything else I want 'cause my parents are just like that.

And I'm not gonna be able to do anything with my life these days. I hate my life. someone shoot me. Who wants to swop. I hate this.
It sucks.


I feel like killing myself. Inflicting hurt on myself to make the hurt inside go away. But I know that's just dumb. 'cause the hurt inside just won't disappear like that. And I'm scared of pain and blood. doesn't make life much easier trust me.

I guess I just really am lousy.